Windows is I N S A N E !

and until someone gives me the name of the virus(s) that can cause internet explorer to freak out... This sounds like a combo of a few different trojans. Here are some I found:

1)Man, this one is rare, but I'm sure you have this. JS.WindowBomb - Symantec.com
Also Known As: JS.WindowBomb, JS.Trojan.Loop, JS/WinBomb, JS.Loop, JS/Loop, definitions dated November 4, 2004 or earlier may detect this threat as JS.Trojan.WindowBomb

"JS.WindowBomb is a Trojan that opens a very large number of Web browser windows. In some cases, the mouse stops working and the time on the system clock keeps changing."

The virus is easy to contain and remove, but symantec reports that this threat is extremely rare:

• Number of Infections: 0 - 49
• Number of Sites: 0 - 2

The fact that you have a virus that is so rare tells me that you probably are loaded up with the most notorious viruses as well.

I googled this virus and had a lot of hits that were people talking about it in discussion forums, and their descriptions were very similar to yours (minus the blabbing about pirating stuff). It's a fairly harmless trojan; It wont do anything to your computer unless you run it, by opening up a browser like IE. Apparently it is just a simple script that was written by some bored kid.

2)Now for your "listed as the default internet program up there with outlook is firefox, so i click on it being sure to avoide the Idiot Explorer icon just pixels below..." problem. This sounds a lot like a variation of the threat commonly known as the "USE INTERNET EXPLORER YOU DOPE" virus. Basically, what it does is try to prevent the user from using firefox. Here are some links:
Virus in Firefox - MozillaZine
talk about this virus - MozillaZine
other forum thread
All the security companies have been silent on this issue, as most AV software will not remove it; it must be removed manually. There are instructions for this floating around on google, if you do in fact have it.

Jeez man, I gave you 2 specifics, but this really looks to me like a combination of several viruses, not just one. What security software do you use? It probably isn't detecting it because it is outdated, or the company does not send sigs for that specific virus. I quote ZachHurdock above:
"not all virus scanners find everything, and people that make/distribute the viruses are pretty darn good at hiding them".
So true. I just cannot see this problem being something to do with windows or the registry. Please get youself a good AV product and update it regularly, and if you are going to pirate software, at least scan it for viruses first!