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(April Fools') PortableApps.com Merges With Microsoft, Goes Closed SourceSubmitted by MS Press Relations on April 1, 2009 - 10:50am
New York, NY and Redmond, WA - April 1, 2009 - PortableApps.com is proud to announce that it has merged with Microsoft to create the future of portable software. The new software platform will be called the Microsoft USB Mobile Portability Suite (MUMPS) and will combine PortableApps.com's innovative portable software with the global distribution capabilities of Microsoft. The all-cash transaction will make PortableApps.com a fully Microsoft-owned entity. Of the deal, PortableApps.com founder and lead developer John T. Haller said "Holy f*&#! I'm rich, beyo%$&!". Closed Source, Monthly Fee Per-App / Per-DriveTo maximize value to the end user, MUMPS will use the more secure and faster-moving closed-source software paradigm and be billed at a small monthly fee. Each device the suite is installed to would be billed at a rate of US$5 per month. Each application used would be billed at a rate of US$1 per month. All application usage would be tracked via simple tracking software that will be automatically installed on each PC the suite is used on. To improve performance, the tracking software will be permanently installed on each PC, speeding up subsequent uses of the platform. Working With Windows Vista and Windows 7MUMPS will take full advantage of the advanced features of Windows Vista and Windows 7, allowing it to have a semi-transparent glass border around its interface (the most-requested feature among current PortableApps.com users). "This new interface will maximize user productivity and happiness in ways that the current release just can't match" said new project spokeswoman Anita Bath. Bath went on to say that the although this new interface would now require Windows Vista and Windows 7 (thus no longer working with 75% of the world's computers), suite users would be offered a coupon for a 0.1% discount on an upgrade to Windows Vista and a free MUMPS refrigerator magnet. Additional Features, Additional FeesThe suite's additional features like large fonts, theme switching, wallpaper switching and autorun abilities will be billed at a reasonable US$0.50 per use, maximizing user productivity and revenue. Release ScheduleThe new release will be available for purchase this afternoon. All existing copies of PortableApps.com's software will be remotely deactivated and the end user given the choice to get MUMPS or be reported to the Business Software Alliance for running unlicensed software. Upgrade today! PS - Happy April Fools' Day! Yes, it's a joke, you can laugh :-) It has been a few years since I did this one and I thought it was time for something fun for PortableApps.com users. - JTH ( categories: )
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ahah....ha....haaa
ahah....ha....haaa.....whew.....*panting heavily*.....you almost gave me a heart attack......*sigh*....dont ever do that again!!!!
*thump*.....*drops on the floor....unconscious*
We Are The Willing
Led By The Unknowing
Doing The Impossible
For The Ungrateful
And We Have Been Doing
So Much,
With So Little,
For So Long,
That We Are Now Qualified
To Do Anything
With Nothing
ditto!
ditto!
"What about Love?" - "Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate." - Al Pacino in The Devils Advocate
LOL nice!
LOL nice!
cowsay Moo
cowthink 'Dude, why are you staring at me.'
I just can't come up with a
I just can't come up with a witty enough reply!
I guess this will have to suffice.
Too many lonely hearts in the real world
Too many bridges you can burn
Too many tables you can't turn
Don't wanna live my life in the real world
1/0
You almost made me Divide by 0 for suicide!!!
lololol
1/0
I did it oni T_T its too late for meh! RUN XD
Nice one though
iLike Macs, iPwn, However you put it... Apple is better ^_^
"Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world..."
:O
I was about to move this to the Off Topic forum until I realized the Author and Date
Good one John, You fooled me, not in thinking it was true, but in thinking it was in the wrong place
Tim
"freenode, it's Not as Free as it used to be, Free as in Freedom"
Ideas for the MUMPS platform
Since many new computers come with fingerprint readers, could you possibly use that to link every user's fingerprint into the DARPA Total Information Awareness database?
That would make me feel so much more secure!
Harmony and understanding; sympathy and trust abounding;
Mystic crystal revelations and the mind's true liberation.
MUMPS...
... a real disease. Where is the doctor?
Is there a doctor in the house?
Silhouette stands up from the audience and says: "I'm a doctor"
Bugs Bunny: "ehhhh, what's up, doc?"
Harmony and understanding; sympathy and trust abounding;
Mystic crystal revelations and the mind's true liberation.
What the F##K!?!?
"Ó rapazola, brincas assim mais uma vez e eu vou desta para melhor!"
The first thing that came to my mind was "what the hell... PAY ?? For free APPS? And Portable? dame you MS Freaks".
But the PS, calmed me down.
Nice Joke, keep up the nice work. We are all here to help if you need.
Nice
Thanks for the laugh. You outdid Google this year. Gmail was OK, but Google was more interesting than funny. This, though... this was good.
If Microsoft were to acquire a portable applications provider, they could do far worse and little better.
>:| 4 8 15 16 23 42EXECUTE
LMFAO :-D
LMFAO
EDIT: This whole thing is hilarious but gotta say the last sentence of the first paragraph is my fave
"The key feature of developer days is flexibility; one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day - literally. And more often the former than the latter." Horusofoz and Chris Morgan
I knew
it was a joke...but man John. You hit MS right on the head...I'd cry another nile if this ever happened. LOL.
EEK!
Almost had me. Thank goodnes for the PS.
Hey! Where'd it go?
I was about to throw
everything I owned, computer wise in the trash, glad I read it to the end.........
good one.
Open Source...., the choice of a GNU generation.
who needs a bath? :P This by
who needs a bath?
This by far outdid CADIE (Google's attempt)
Twoflower: Rincewind, I think there's a broomstick in this cupboard.
Rincewind: Well, what's so unusual about that?
Twoflower: This one's got handlebars.
Argh.........................
Argh...... 8·S
Nice joke. But what's the joke, the first part or the part calling the first a joke? 8·D
Eiñ??? A siñature????
Multiple Clues
I thought I was nice by providing multiple clues throughout the article. Right in the first paragraph you have the name Microsoft USB Mobile Portability Suite (MUMPS) which is likely to seem fake. Followed by my quote "I'm rich, beyo%$&!" which is a nod to Chappelle's Show.
The fees are another one as they would be quite high in total. Plus the fact that it leaves tracking software behind on every PC... how is THAT portable? And I was hoping people would pick up on the fake name "Anita Bath". Finally, I closed it with a direct threat of the BSA, which is a real organization and used in a similar manner... but never quite so openly.
Anyway, I hope everybody enjoyed it. I'm gonna try and do an internet-wide one next year similar to my old Mafiaa.org one.
Sometimes, the impossible can become possible, if you're awesome!
BSA I'm a member of that :D
BSA = Boy Scouts of America
Release Team Member
"If everyone is thinking the same thing, then someone isn't thinking" - General George S. Patton
Question:
How is MS Press Relations a Member for 2 years 33 weeks ???
)
Have you been planning this?
Anyway, you will have to pay for the surgery to remove the image your post has created in my brain!
Artificial intelligence stands no chance against natural stupidity!
Well, if he is the creator of
Well, if he is the creator of the site, John could easily have edited that.
8·S
Eiñ??? A siñature????
Yeah.
It's a trick...
Drupal gives you the abilities to change the date and time a user joined.
People are overrated.
Not true
the only way you can do this is by modifying certain rows in the SQL database. And then you get problems with auto-incrementing user IDs.
I think it's safe to say that the account was created over 2 years ago (which fits in perfectly in a way which it just wouldn't be worth while fixing) and John used it. Maybe he renamed it. Maybe he took it over. I don't know. I don't really care...
Christian, developer, moderator
wow
i read it yester day and thought it was a smamer trying to make a joke so i read the comments and realized it was john so i read the rest of it and it sounded to stupid to be true
any nice attempt John
OOH MS Press Relations have
OOH MS Press Relations have been a member for two years Mmmm...
I click you......You click me!
My contributions are
CopyRight (C) 2009 Alexander S.T Ross
except quoted content and my contributions are under the GPL3 For the licence search "gpl-3.0-standalone.htm"
Where's my money?
Just remembered to post here about this...
I'm a developer here of one of the ~60 (current) applications! Where's my 1/60th or even 1% of the takeover money? Or have you disclaimed copyright whatnot like in the MAFIAA thing about only corporates being allowed to own copyright?
(BTW, so you can transfer the money to me, my Nigerian bank account details are...)
Christian, developer, moderator