New York, NY and Redmond, WA - April 1, 2009 - PortableApps.com is proud to announce that it has merged with Microsoft to create the future of portable software. The new software platform will be called the Microsoft USB Mobile Portability Suite (MUMPS) and will combine PortableApps.com's innovative portable software with the global distribution capabilities of Microsoft. The all-cash transaction will make PortableApps.com a fully Microsoft-owned entity. Of the deal, PortableApps.com founder and lead developer John T. Haller said "Holy f*! I'm rich, beyo%$&!".
Closed Source, Monthly Fee Per-App / Per-Drive
To maximize value to the end user, MUMPS will use the more secure and faster-moving closed-source software paradigm and be billed at a small monthly fee. Each device the suite is installed to would be billed at a rate of US$5 per month. Each application used would be billed at a rate of US$1 per month. All application usage would be tracked via simple tracking software that will be automatically installed on each PC the suite is used on. To improve performance, the tracking software will be permanently installed on each PC, speeding up subsequent uses of the platform.
Working With Windows Vista and Windows 7
MUMPS will take full advantage of the advanced features of Windows Vista and Windows 7, allowing it to have a semi-transparent glass border around its interface (the most-requested feature among current PortableApps.com users). "This new interface will maximize user productivity and happiness in ways that the current release just can't match" said new project spokeswoman Anita Bath. Bath went on to say that the although this new interface would now require Windows Vista and Windows 7 (thus no longer working with 75% of the world's computers), suite users would be offered a coupon for a 0.1% discount on an upgrade to Windows Vista and a free MUMPS refrigerator magnet.
Additional Features, Additional Fees
The suite's additional features like large fonts, theme switching, wallpaper switching and autorun abilities will be billed at a reasonable US$0.50 per use, maximizing user productivity and revenue.
Release Schedule
The new release will be available for purchase this afternoon. All existing copies of PortableApps.com's software will be remotely deactivated and the end user given the choice to get MUMPS or be reported to the Business Software Alliance for running unlicensed software. Upgrade today!
PS - Happy April Fools' Day! Yes, it's a joke, you can laugh :-) It has been a few years since I did this one and I thought it was time for something fun for PortableApps.com users. - JTH